so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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