Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
that is very illegal...i love you.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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