im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
