Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
