Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
