At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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