I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
