he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
