nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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