Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
