Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
