Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
