who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
the liver wants what the liver wants
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
