I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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