I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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