why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
