just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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