last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
