Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
