When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
