Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
And then he peed in my hair
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