I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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