Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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