I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize