No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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