i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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