i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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