can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize