in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
