He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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