Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
