why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
