therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
