nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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