my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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