Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize