i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
