I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
