i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
