now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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