It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
