Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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