I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
