I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
