every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
