I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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