Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
