She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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