ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
