Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
