No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
