Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
