those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
