I got chris browned last night
Screwed.edu
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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