I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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