Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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