I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
