i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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