im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
