I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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