he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
