She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
