I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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