Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
the raccoons are back...
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