I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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