Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
