Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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