If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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