Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just pee around me
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
