So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
