If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
