everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
