planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
