I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
