I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
