She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
