I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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