I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
