Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize