Midget sex pt 2 tonight
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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