Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
