No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We left the knife in your bed.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
