Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
