You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
