before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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