put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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