My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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