my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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