There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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